I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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