i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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