So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
