It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
