Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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