Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
