I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
