dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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