I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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