JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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