Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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