hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
