I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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