ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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