Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
