I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
