Your dad touched me again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
