Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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