Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
