I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
