i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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