Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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