I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
love makes seman taste better
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
