one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
