I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
