u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
