Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
