The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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