It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
