Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
