I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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