I think I won the penis lottery.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
