Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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