Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
