this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
