Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
