you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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