So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
