we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
