guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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