I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
