The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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