How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
