he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
BRING THE BAGELS
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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