There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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