We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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