so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she peed on how many people?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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