I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
