the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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