you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
