Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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