rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
